The Numbers Don't Lie: Why Dating Apps Aren't Working for You

I've heard it all. A client recently told me she felt like she was a contestant on a dating show that never ends. She was swiping through a sea of faces, feeling nothing but a growing sense of emptiness. And if you have ever felt like your weekends are being swallowed by endless texting that leads to nowhere, or that you are caught in a cycle of emotional exhaustion, you are definitely not alone. It turns out, that tired feeling is so common, the numbers even have a name for it: dating app burnout.

Dating apps promised us a new world of possibilities, a golden gate to find love that was so much easier. But for many of us, these apps have become a cruel joke. The statistics on why they are failing us are not only alarming, they are a loud and clear wake up call.

A recent survey by Forbes Health revealed a staggering 78% of people who use dating apps feel this burnout. That is not a small number, my friends. That is almost everyone. And if you thought you were the only one who felt a little tired or emotionally exhausted by it all, you were wrong. Forty percent of us feel that way because we can't find a real connection, and another 32% feel a crushing disappointment and rejection. We are walking around with our own little private pain, believing we are alone in it.

The reason for this pain is built into the system. Dating apps have created a paradox of choice. You have so many options that your brain gets stuck, always believing there is something better just a swipe away. We start to treat people like we are shopping for a new item online, scrolling past them without a second thought. This places all the value on a photo and a few lines of text, completely stripping away the magic and vulnerability of a real conversation.

Then there is the ghosting. It has become a painful and pervasive part of the dating world. Studies show that between 13% and 23% of us have been ghosted by a partner, and some studies put that number as high as 72%. It is so common that it is no longer shocking; it is just a part of the game. And just like that, our time, a precious resource that we so carefully protect, is being wasted on people with mismatched intentions. A study showed that 42% of Tinder users are already in a relationship or married, which means that for every person you meet who is ready for a real connection, you are taking a leap of faith with someone who is not.

When I look at all of these numbers, I do not see a dating app; I see an emotional tax. I see a beautiful, smart, and intentional person trying to find a meaningful connection in a system that is not designed to help them succeed. It is not about a lack of good people or a flaw in you. It is about a tool that is fundamentally at odds with the very thing you are trying to find.

The solution is not to try harder or to download another app. It is to give yourself the gift of an intentional journey. It is about saying no to the noise and yes to a curated, professional process that is built to protect your time and your heart. It is about giving yourself the chance to find the kind of love story you so beautifully described in your travel to the Harbin; the one where you can be your most vulnerable, authentic, and unapologetic self.